Don’t let hiring catch you off guard. Let’s face it: It’s always go-time for whatever recruitment plan you have. Hiring should be a year-round focus and not something you scramble to address when you’re short staffed.
Wait — let me clarify. This isn’t another generic “how to recruit” article written by someone who doesn’t know your market. I’m not here to tell you where to find employees or how to hire them. I’ve already written those articles — check out “Thank You For Your Service” and “How to Hire a Hero.” Instead, let’s talk about the kind of job applicants that make you feel like you’ve just plunged headfirst into the deep end of Bizarro World. You know, the interviews that leave you staring at the walls, questioning reality, your career choices, and whether or not day drinking really is as bad as they say it is.
I’ve got some doozies for you. If you’ve got better ones, shoot me an email. I need to know these Meshuga shenanigans aren’t just happening to me.
THE GAUNTLET OF INTERVIEWS
If you’ve ever scheduled a full day of interviews, God bless you. I feel your pain. It’s a soul-sucking experience that leaves you feeling completely drained and void of life, like a used-up dish sponge.
Now, picture this: I have a retail store and must fill two positions. I’m no fool — I’d rather hire early in the season than play FAFO roulette when the busy months hit. So, how did I end up scheduling a full day of interviews? Simple: I ran a paid ad in the more respectable newspapers, making the position sound more like an adventure than a grind. Then, I double-dipped running the ad on Craigslist as well — I know, I know, you get what you pay for.
The setup:
- A stack of applications at the counter.
- My assistant manager is running the floor.
- One interview scheduled every hour on the hour.
My assistant manager handles the meet-and-greet and takes notes, which includes checking whether they’ve had the common sense to bring their own pen. If they pass that test, they fill out the application, which my assistant hands me. The lack of a pen? Not a dealbreaker, but c’mon…
I like reviewing applications before diving into interviews — it just makes good sense. Generic interview questions? Hate ‘em. Instead, I customize my questions based on a person’s experience. And for fun, I like to throw in a couple that test their critical thinking skills. You’ll never catch me doing the cliché “sell me this pen” nonsense. Instead, I go for the classics, like: “Why is a manhole cover round?”
That’s how an interview with me works. And now, my telepole-wielding friend, let me take you on a journey through one of the most absurd days of interviews I’ve ever had.
THE HIT-AND-RUN APPLICANT
The first interview of the morning? Uneventful. The candidate didn’t wow me, but at least they didn’t worry me either.
The second interview? Late. Ten minutes. No call. It’s not a great start, but hey, life happens.
I get their application and start putting together a mental picture of how they might (or might not) contribute to my team’s success. Name? Check. Date? Check. Address, email? All good. Handwriting? Legible. But then…
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? (Check yes or no.)
Instead of marking yes or no, this person wrote: “?”
A QUESTION MARK. WTF?!
I mean, what does that even mean? You don’t know if you’ve been convicted of a felony?
Figuring this opened the door for at least some clarification, I asked, “I see you wrote a question mark here. Did you not understand the question?”
The guy looked nervous. He took a deep breath. And then, after a long pause, he explained: “Oh no, I understood the question. But, uh… well, I don’t live close. I was coming in from Jamaica — Queens, not the Caribbean — and I was running late. If I didn’t hit traffic on the LIE, I left with just enough time to be on time.”
Okay… so far, not that weird.
“A couple blocks from my house, I… clipped someone who was jaywalking.”
Excuse me, what?
“Yeah. I had this interview on my mind, and I just didn’t see him until it was too late. I swerved! But… I think I hit him. Anyway, that’s why I put the question mark. I’ve never been convicted of a felony, but, um… I don’t know if anyone got my plate number, so… I’m not sure where this is gonna go.”
…I have no words.
“Wait, wait, wait — you HIT someone with your car? And you just KEPT GOING?”
“Yeah. Like I said, I really needed to make it to this interview on time.”
Buddy.
Buddy.
You allegedly committed a hit-and-run on your way to the interview, and your biggest concern was not being late?!
Jesus, take the wheel.
THE “EXTRA CREDIT” CANDIDATE
A couple more interviews passed uneventfully. Then came a young lady who was clearly too nervous for her own good.
I hadn’t gotten to the tough questions yet, but she was already self-destructing. She knew she was bombing. I could see it in her face.
When I wrapped up the interview and thanked her for coming in, she hesitated before blurting out: “I didn’t do very well, did I?”
Awkward silence. I had no idea how to respond. Nobody had ever asked me that before.
Then she hit me with: “Is there anything I can do for extra credit?”
EXTRA CREDIT?!
Lady, this isn’t a pop quiz!
THE FLIRTY FINALIST
Finally — a promising candidate.
She had actual retail experience (hallelujah!). She even nailed my manhole cover question: “That’s easy. Manhole covers are heavy. The round shape lets you roll it instead of carrying it.”
Nice, we might have a winner!
Then, just before the interview ended, she dropped a bomb. “Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?”
SMH.
Damn, couldn’t you at least wait until I’ve offered you the job first?
MORAL OF THE STORY?
Hiring in the pool and spa industry isn’t just about finding someone who can lug chlorine buckets and handle a test kit. It’s about navigating the weirdest, wildest interview experiences imaginable.
Some days, you get a rockstar. Some days, you get a hit-and-run fugitive. And some days, you get someone who thinks interviews come with extra credit assignments.
If you’re out there in the trenches and understaffed, stay strong, my friends. May your applicants be competent, your interviews be brief, and your sanity remain intact.
Now, on a serious note.
In June of last year, I wrote an article for AQUA titled, “Plan for Your Expiration Date,” where I discussed succession planning and what happens to your business when you can no longer be the one keeping it alive. That article was about you as the owner, but what about succession planning for the positions on your team?
Do you have people who could step in if one of your employees flakes out? It’s a challenging, yet worthwhile, concept. Imagine having a backup ready to go — someone you can plop into place at a moment’s notice, keeping things running smoothly without missing a beat. Sounds like a dream, right?
But here’s the kicker: building that kind of safety net takes strategy. You can’t just keep a list of “maybes” and hope for the best. You have to nurture the relationship from the start — identify your backup recruits, keep them engaged but not too engaged. If they’re too eager, they’ll get impatient and demand a job right away, only to disappear when you can’t offer immediate employment. If they’re not engaged enough, they’ll lose interest and disappear.
It’s a delicate balance — a kind of recruitment sorcery that requires effort and finesse. But if you pull it off, and you find yourself staring at a no-call, no-show, wondering where the hell they went — and you’ve got someone ready to step in without breaking stride? Congratulations, you just won the game.
This article first appeared in the July 2025 issue of AQUA Magazine — the top resource for retailers, builders and service pros in the pool and spa industry. Subscriptions to the print magazine are free to all industry professionals. Click here to subscribe.
